so long, farewell.

i am officially done with school! no more obnoxious emails, stressing over papers and projects, and no more 8am classes! …well, at least for now. i’m not leaving school forever, just taking a year off detox and explore.

i can’t believe how many emotions i’m feeling right now. i might go into emotional overload. i’m sad to leave my roommates and friends, relieved to have my own room again, not so sure about living with my mom again, excited to start working, hopeful for the future, and scared of running away from something that has been so amazing. but then i just have to remember. i’m not running away. and this year hasn’t been all that great. so i’m moving on, to different and more exciting things (namely mexico).

it’s weird to pack up my room. i feel like i will be tucked in my extra-long twin bed tonight, just like every other night this year. it’s weird walking up the stairs, thinking that it will be the last time i ever tap my ID at the desk. thinking that i’ll never have to evacuate the building at 3am due to a fire alarm. or deal with the ever-tempermental ECwireless. or worry about eating before the DH closes. or have to store my entire life in one tiny room, complete with two other roommates. or enjoy the delicious tuna melts from emcaf. or the amazing hot chocolate from the thinking cup. or throw muddy dodge balls at people with a broom between my legs, while decked out in black and pink.

i feel like this is my life forever. but now it’s all changing.

this year has been full of so many things–some amazing, some far from it. but it’s all been a great experience and i wouldn’t trade it for the world. i wish i didn’t have to leave this place, but i know it’s not the best place for me right now. maybe i’ll come back in the future, though i’m pretty sure that the countryside (or maybe mexico) has my heart. and as sad as i am to leave my friends, i have a few really great friends that i know i will stay friends with forever. i may not see them every day, but i know i can always talk to them and we’ll meet up again some day. there’s closure in that.

i look to the future with hope and excitement. ridding my computer of all emerson related things, like bookmarks and emails, is refreshing. i’m beginning my cleanse that i shall continue when i get home. i’m excited to get a job and start earning my own money–i think i’ll develop a new appreciation for it. i’m looking forward to repairing my relationship with my mom. and being home for my best friend’s wedding. and i’m so so so excited to take an extended vacation in mexico (it’s still up in the air, but i know i’m definitely going somewhere, sometime). this past year has been great, but i think this next year has even more to offer. i’m excited. (:

so, so long to you amazing Emersonians. you’re all beautiful and amazing and going be incredibly successful in whatever you do. goodbye boston, the city that never seems to sleep (because i am always wide awake with it) and has so many great things to offer. hello again, to my friends and family back home. i’ve missed you. and welcome, future adventures and happiness, because you’re exactly what i need and what i plan to get.

(wow, that was long. props to anyone who read that the whole way through! you deserve a bowl of fruit!)

tempting fate…a little differently.

i’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and i’ve realized that there are really two ways in which i want to tempt fate. the first being solid, clear, one-time-things (like going sky-diving). the second is ways i want to improve my life by having continuous habits (like playing piano every day). so, i have decided to separate these two things to give myself two separate lists. this way, i will be able to see my progress better, since the two lists are pretty different in character. here are my revised lists:

List One – Short Term Adventures

1. Go to Disneyland.
2. Go bungee jumping.
3. Go sky diving.
4. Spend a month in Mexico.
5. Take a salsa class.
6. Take a boxing class.
7. Go bouldering.
8. Take a tap class.
9. Make an oil painting.
10. Run in the Color Run.
11. Run in Run For Your Lives.
12. Bike the Midnight Boston Marathon.
13. See Norah Jones in Tahoe or San Fran.
14. Zen-ify my room.
15. Spend a day (or weekend) in San Fran.
16. Explore LA.
17. Go to Santa Cruz.
18. Go to the St. Paul Rodeo.
19. Start a book (or continue an old one).
20. Go mudding.
21. Get my bellybutton pierced.
22. Spend Christmas with my Dad.
23. Donate my hair.
24. Read 10 books.
25. Go snowboarding.
26. Go contra dancing.
27. Cook 5 new recipes.
28. Go to Yosemite.
29. Relearn to knit.
30. Make friendship bracelets.
31. Wear more lipstick.
32. Get involved with an improv group.
33. Go to Stage Coach.
34. Go to Coachella.
35. Take a hiphop class.
36. Learn origami.
37. Get a white tattoo.
38. Take a pole dancing class.

List Two – Long Term Adventures

1. Weekly family night.
2. Family counseling.
3. Personal counseling.
4. Keep my room neat and clean.
5. Become a yoga freak.
6. Work out at least 5 times per week.
7. Create one work of art per month. (sketch, photomanip, painting, etc.)
8. Write at least once per week. (poetry, fiction, songs, etc.)
9. Read at least twice per week (books, poetry, etc.)
10. Journal at least 3 times per week.
11. Play piano at least once per week.
12. Only tell myself positive things. (no putting myself down!)
13. Relearn Spanish.
14. Eat clean. (more veggies, less junk!)
15. Ride horses.
16. Volunteer.
17. Less time on the computer and in front of the TV. (unless for art or information)
18. Watch/read the news.
19. Spend more time with my pup pup.
20. More compliments, less complaining!
21. Call my family and friends more often.

trust your cape.

He did not know he could not fly, and so he did. He’s one of those who knows that life is just a leap of faith. Spread your arms, and hold your breath, and always trust your cape.

– Guy Clark, Cape

for sale.

so i’m selling a bunch of my stuff here in boston so that i don’t have to pay shipping to send it back home to cali. so far, i’ve sold about $550 worth of stuff. that’s almost enough to cover one month’s worth of bills (since i’m now financially independent). That will be good, since i’ll need some time to get a job. i think that when i get home, i’m going to go through my closet and sell all of my cute clothes that don’t fit me any more. and possibly some other random stuff i can sell for some extra cash. it will be nice to have some more money, but i’m most looking forward to cleansing my life of all clutter that brings me chaos. cleaning out my old belongings will help me achieve shanti and begin my new life with a fresh start. (:

saying “new life” sounds weird. it sounds as if i’m blocking out the past and reincarnating into a completely new self. but that’s not what i mean at all. i simply mean that i’m pursuing a new lifestyle, living differently than i have in the past. i want to work toward finding inner peace, eating clean, staying active, and constantly learning. i know, i’m a big dreamer. but i want to lead a life of happiness, and there’s no better time to start than now.

“the past is history, the future is a mystery, and today is a gift–that’s why they call it the present.”

tempting fate.

inspired by undone by brooke taylor, i have created my own tempting fate list. in other words, a bucket list of sorts. i currently have a list for my entire life, but now i want to create a list of things to do during my year off from school. i think that in order to get the most from my year off, i need to constantly be trying new things. i need to experience the world and its greatness–or at least as much of the world as i can see in one year’s time.

i went with nelly to a Q&A with sherie rene scott. she had a lot of really great things to say, but what stuck with me the most is she said, “go where the joy is, go where your heart takes you.” she also said “find that piece of your work that makes you love it, because if you don’t love it you shouldn’t do it; indifference eats at your soul.” i couldn’t agree with her more. indifference is the one thing that most scares me, and the one thing i refuse to have. all i want from this life is to explore, travel, experience anything and everything i can, do things people wouldn’t expect me to, keep smiling, be so full of love that everyone around me feels it too, and never stop laughing. suddenly, “all i want” doesn’t sound like such a small request. but no matter, i’m on a mission to achieve inner peace and genuine happiness. as i read on the lovely mackenzie’s blog, “i have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.”

so here is my ever-growing tempting fate list:

1. Go to Disneyland.
2. Go bungee jumping.
3. Go sky diving.
4. Spend a month in Mexico.
5. Take a salsa class.
6. Take a boxing class.
7. Go bouldering.
8. Take a tap class.
9. Relearn Spanish.
10. Make an oil painting.
11. Run in the Color Run.
12. Run in Run For Your Lives.
13. Bike the Midnight Boston Marathon.
14. See Norah Jones in Tahoe or San Fran.
15. Ride horses again.
16. Volunteer.
17. Become a horoscope expert.
18. Zen-ify my room.
19. Become a yoga freak.
20. Spend a day (or weekend) in San Fran.
21. Explore LA.
22. Go to Santa Cruz.
23. Go to the St. Paul Rodeo.
24. Start a book (or continue an old one).
25. Go mudding.
26. Have family night once a week.
27. Get my bellybutton pierced.
28. Spend Christmas with my Dad.
29. Donate my hair.
30. Read 10 books.
31. Read more poetry.
32. Write more poetry.
33. Go snowboarding.
34. Go contra dancing.
35. Cook 5 new recipes.
36. Go to Yosemite.
37. Relearn to knit.
38. Make friendship bracelets.
39. Wear more lipstick.
40. Get involved with an improv group.
41. Go to Stage Coach.
42. Go to Coachella.
43. Take a hiphop class.
44. Learn origami.
45. Play piano.
46. Go to family counseling.

Let’s see how many of these I can complete (: