i’ve fallen in love.

this is a love story, full of journals and conversations.

i have fallen in love with my own journal. i used to have this desire to be on my computer 24/7, to blog anything and everything that made me happy, and rant about things that upset me the most. but lately, i haven’t blogged hardly at all. i’ve just been writing in my journal, writing things out for myself. it gives me a chance to reflect on my thoughts and actions, without sharing it with the entire world. it’s freeing, in a way, to have time to myself; exploring all sides of my imagination. it brings out my innermost feelings and it brings out the artist in me (i write on the left side, draw/doodle and write poetry/words of wisdom on the right side). it allows me to think things over in my own mind, without immediately seeking someone else’s opinion or support.

this privacy and self reflection has enhanced my love for conversation. i can mull over my own thoughts, then take my no-longer-jumbled ideas and discuss them with someone else. i can have a thoughtful and sincere conversation with someone, learning more about their views as well as my own. then i can bring back their ideas and further analyze and appreciate them in my journal, fully taking in the lessons i have learned.

there’s nothing like a good conversation. talking about things that really matter. getting to know the person, getting to know yourself. i have fallen in love with journaling and conversations; self-reflection and learning. my blog will probably not be very active, but i would love to share my stories with you and listen to yours. let me know if you ever want to talk, because i will always say yes. (:

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Filed under Life

hiking the white mountains.

there’s nothing like beginning my new, clean lifestyle by sweating out my toxins on the Crawford Path! to begin my summer break, i took a three day trip to New Hampshire’s White Mountains with my aunt kate. due to unfriendly weather, we decided to change up our plans a bit. so instead of hiking the first day, we stayed in a nice lodge with electricity, snuggled in a cute little room with twin bunk beds.

by the next morning, we lucked out–the weather looked promising! we loaded up our packs (all 34lbs worth!) and headed out for my first backpacking adventure. we began hiking the Crawford Path toward the Mizpah Cutoff trail. we enjoyed long talks about life and some delicious snacks like homemade trail mix and squished pb&j’s (everything tastes better on the trail!). lost in thought and enjoying the forestry, we managed to miss the cutoff to Mizpah. whoops! so, we continued on for another 1.2 miles up the steep, rocky, icy trail to the top of Mt. Pierce–something we planned on doing the next day. but the universe was on our side because by the time we got to the top, the clouds had nearly cleared completely and we had a spectacular view of the mountains and valleys.

as we headed down a different trail to get to Mizpah, we were caught by surprise. the trail was steep and rocky and slippery, actually quite difficult and dangerous! kate’s knee decided to rebel, declining quickly and dramatically slowing down our travels. we decided that it had been a blessing that we missed the Mizpah Cutoff, because we never would have made it up to Mt. Pierce the next day with kate in this condition.

when we finally reached the hut (after 4 miles of hiking) we were so relieved! there were 22 others staying with us, 8 of whom were staying in the same room as us. everyone was smiling, laughing, cooking, and having a grand ol’ time. it was nice to be such a happy and relaxed environment. the sleeping bags kept us warm, and we slept pretty well; despite the 3 snorers and the urge to pee in the middle of the night from all the water we drank on the trail.

the next day we hiked down the Mizpah Cutoff trail back to the Crawford Path. what should have taken us two and a half hours took us five. poor kate was a trooper though–never once complained, and she just kept going. this woman is phenomenal. she’s 65 years old, in better shape than i am, runs her own law practice, once ran her own carpentry business, survived breast cancer twice, and was finally able to marry her partner of 30 years when massachusetts legalized gay marriage. she is beyond inspirational and so full of wisdom that she can make any situation better. i am so glad i am lucky enough to have her as my aunt and to share this incredible experience with her. for her, i will forever be thankful.

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Filed under Life, Tempting Fate, The Little Things

you’re beautiful.

there was a girl named annie,
she had a very pretty face
and not the way you think
so let me see if I can try to explain it
she had a smile that could light up the room
and if she moved it’d be moving in you
but she wasn’t like a magazine,
she was just plain jane and her name was annie.

she never looked in the mirror,
she never liked what she would see.
and even if I tried to tell her,
she never listened to a word I’d say.
She always wanted what she never had,
but never had what she needed so badly
someone telling her she was fine
and that’s not right and it’s why I’m saying

annie don’t be shy here,
annie don’t just lie there,
looks don’t make the world go round
but it comes around
annie don’t be shy here,
annie please don’t cry here,
i always have to stop myself
cause you’re beautiful.

i didn’t know if i could tell her,
i didn’t know if i could make her see
she didn’t need to find her beauty,
she didn’t need to find a way to show me.

and annie you are the one sight my eyes never tire of,
it’s like I cannot get enough of you.
Annie you are the one song left in my symphony,
like you were made for me.

safetysuit, annie.

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Filed under Inspirational Quotes, Life, Music

to my friends.

i know a lot of you have been going through some pretty rough times, so i’m sending some positive energy your way.

nelly – i hope your sinuses clear up so that you’re not in pain and can actually breathe again! i know your health is having a negative impact on your life, so i hope you are restored to full health and back to your old self again very soon!

jenna – you have had quite the round of bad luck lately. i’m sorry for all the stress you’ve been under, and the people who have let you down. i hope that you can get the job as a GLC facilitator, and i hope that your little prodigy at state fair will make you proud! i also hope that your mom’s test results come back clear with nothing to worry about. you’re both great people and deserve happiness and good health.

jo – i hope you feel better soon and finally get some sleep! being sick when you first get back home is no fun. you deserve to be out and about and enjoying hong kong!

rachel – i know we aren’t really friends, but you seem like an amazing girl. i’m incredibly sorry to hear that you are now battling two types of cancer, but i know that you can overcome it! you’re strong, and have an amazing support system behind you. fight on girl!

elise – i know you have been incredibly stressed lately, especially with rachel’s situation. i hope that you get the position you want in young life and i hope that you can stay strong for both you and rachel. i know you can pull through this!

scott – push through these final exams of your freshman year! i know the beach makes it hard to focus, but you can do it!

shannon – i’m so happy for you and taylor! it’s everything you’ve ever wanted and more. now i hope that your job environment clears up and that you have a happy, healthy career. you are a hard worker and i know you can make it work!

mom – things have been incredibly hard on you lately. i hope things work out between you and your boss, and whatever new job offers you have. you are an incredibly smart and hard working woman, and you deserve to be happy and appreciated.

dad – this surgery has proven more difficult than expected. i wish you a fast recovery so you can get back to this successful life you’ve made for yourself.

kate – you are an amazing woman and deserve nothing but the best! i hope your knee gets better before this summer so that you can enjoy those hikes you have planned for your grand-nieces and nephews.

sharon – things have been rough for you and keith lately. i hope that things clear up and you two can find a safe place for you both to live. i also hope that you can find a good, stable job so you and keith can finally be on your own.

rachael – you’ve had quite the past couple years! i hope that you can continue your healthy lifestyle and that you can maintain a healthy relationship with nick.

i’m not the praying kind, but i do believe that each and every one of us is connected somehow. i like to think of it as a type of connective energy or spirituality. that’s why i’m sending you these thoughts and good energy, so that you can push through your hardships and have some positivity in your lives. you all deserve it! if anyone has any requests for me, please let me know. i will gladly send positive energy your way (:

kia kaha, om shanti.

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Filed under Life, The Little Things

the universe is on my side.

i haven’t blogged at all lately because i’ve been quite the busy bee! but i assure you, it’s the best kind of busy to bee (see what i did there? yeah, me either. that was pretty bad).

anywayy…the universe has truly been on my side lately. i get to stay in boston, close to my friends and family, thanks to an amazing friend who is subletting her apartment to me. i got a job offer as teller at a local bank and possibly a hostess at PF Changs. my sister is getting engaged!! and she chose me and her practically-sister heather to be her maids of honor (i’m truly so honored!). i found her a perfect location and date that lets me to go to her wedding and sharon’s wedding with only one flight from boston (yay for being cheap!). obama publicly supports gay marriage. i donated my hair and the new do looks really good! and i began my new lifestyle with an amazing hiking trip through the white mountains with my aunt. 

i don’t know why all of these things are happening to me; it could be my bout of good karma after a rough year, or it could be the universe preparing me for something tragic, or i could just be lucky! regardless, i prefer to see it as a blessing, be incredibly thankful, and take every opportunity that is coming my way. i hope that my good fortune will spread to all of my friends–they all deserve it! 

anyway, that’s just the short version! i will be posting more later on each of these happenings individually. i hope you have a fantastic day, and may tomorrow be even better!

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Filed under Life, Tempting Fate, The Little Things

so long, farewell.

i am officially done with school! no more obnoxious emails, stressing over papers and projects, and no more 8am classes! …well, at least for now. i’m not leaving school forever, just taking a year off detox and explore.

i can’t believe how many emotions i’m feeling right now. i might go into emotional overload. i’m sad to leave my roommates and friends, relieved to have my own room again, not so sure about living with my mom again, excited to start working, hopeful for the future, and scared of running away from something that has been so amazing. but then i just have to remember. i’m not running away. and this year hasn’t been all that great. so i’m moving on, to different and more exciting things (namely mexico).

it’s weird to pack up my room. i feel like i will be tucked in my extra-long twin bed tonight, just like every other night this year. it’s weird walking up the stairs, thinking that it will be the last time i ever tap my ID at the desk. thinking that i’ll never have to evacuate the building at 3am due to a fire alarm. or deal with the ever-tempermental ECwireless. or worry about eating before the DH closes. or have to store my entire life in one tiny room, complete with two other roommates. or enjoy the delicious tuna melts from emcaf. or the amazing hot chocolate from the thinking cup. or throw muddy dodge balls at people with a broom between my legs, while decked out in black and pink.

i feel like this is my life forever. but now it’s all changing.

this year has been full of so many things–some amazing, some far from it. but it’s all been a great experience and i wouldn’t trade it for the world. i wish i didn’t have to leave this place, but i know it’s not the best place for me right now. maybe i’ll come back in the future, though i’m pretty sure that the countryside (or maybe mexico) has my heart. and as sad as i am to leave my friends, i have a few really great friends that i know i will stay friends with forever. i may not see them every day, but i know i can always talk to them and we’ll meet up again some day. there’s closure in that.

i look to the future with hope and excitement. ridding my computer of all emerson related things, like bookmarks and emails, is refreshing. i’m beginning my cleanse that i shall continue when i get home. i’m excited to get a job and start earning my own money–i think i’ll develop a new appreciation for it. i’m looking forward to repairing my relationship with my mom. and being home for my best friend’s wedding. and i’m so so so excited to take an extended vacation in mexico (it’s still up in the air, but i know i’m definitely going somewhere, sometime). this past year has been great, but i think this next year has even more to offer. i’m excited. (:

so, so long to you amazing Emersonians. you’re all beautiful and amazing and going be incredibly successful in whatever you do. goodbye boston, the city that never seems to sleep (because i am always wide awake with it) and has so many great things to offer. hello again, to my friends and family back home. i’ve missed you. and welcome, future adventures and happiness, because you’re exactly what i need and what i plan to get.

(wow, that was long. props to anyone who read that the whole way through! you deserve a bowl of fruit!)

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this is what dreams are made of.

ladies and gentleman, i believe that opportunity is knocking at my door. no, opportunity is smacking me over the head saying “take me! take me!”

so what have i found? well, it all started this morning. i had a lovely breakfast with joanne, and we talked about taking a year off and how i should definitely spend a lot of time in mexico. quite a lovely conversation, and quite a lovely lady. i wish i had gotten closer to her sooner. any who, i did some browsing online, and found a one way ticket to mexico for just $238! i have that much in my bank account! and, i also have around $400 more from selling my dorm stuff (fridge, kettle, etc.). that’s enough to pay for my flight home, whenever i decide to fly back!

could this really be happening? yes indeed, boy oh boy, god almighty, this could really be happening! i just need to confirm with my godmother that i can still come live with her, starting in october. happy birthday to me!

could this really happen? i guess we shall find out. very soon!

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Filed under Goals, Life, Tempting Fate